By Steve Dublanica
In keeping with The Waiter, eighty percentage of shoppers are great humans simply trying to find whatever to consume. the rest 20 percentage, even though, are socially maladjusted psychopaths. Eye-opening, outrageous, and unabashed—replete with stories of purchaser stupidity, smug misbehavior, and unseen tidbits of human grace within the impossible places—Waiter Rant offers the server's certain viewpoint, revealing surefire secrets and techniques to getting strong carrier, right tipping etiquette, and how one can make sure that your waiter will not spit in your meals.
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Extra info for Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip--Confessions of a Cynical Waiter
I should take a shower, but I’m too tired. Smelling slightly like truffle oil, I slip under the covers and lay my head on the pillow. Just before my conscious mind crosses over into oblivion, I remember I forgot to bring the lady at table 26 her third cosmopolitan. No wonder she stopped smiling at me. Chapter 5 Paupery I t’s an early afternoon two weeks later. The lunch crowd, what there was of it, has come and gone. I’m sitting at a back table reading the newspaper when I notice Beth, the lunch waitress, staring glumly into her $3 double caramel mocha latte.
Her date, however, has drunk the entire bottle of Dom and is valiantly attempting to polish off a $700 bottle of wine. If I dug up a corpse and fed it to him he’d never know the difference. I encounter many rich and successful people in my line of work. It never ceases to amaze me how people can be completely capable in one part of their lives but total fuckups in most of the others. This guy’s a super-smart financial type—but he’s also a desperate alcoholic who picks up whores. And believe me, I feel sorry for the whores.
She’s afraid she’ll abandon them like her mother abandoned her. Her husband tells her not to worry: She’s not her mother. She’s a different person. She’ll be a wonderful mother. They’ll be happy. My four top’s host thanks me. His wife compliments my memory. How can you remember so much stuff? I respond with a witty stock answer. They all laugh. I tell them I’ll give them time to consider their choices. I turn and look at the table behind me. The girl has tears in her eyes. The boy’s holding her hand.
Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip--Confessions of a Cynical Waiter by Steve Dublanica